Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Attachment Angst

I can't speak for all adoptive parents, but from talking to many of them, we all seem to share several of the same feelings of discouragement, frustration, impatience, and some days even dislike in regards to our attachment challenged children. 

Sometimes I just want to look our daughter in the eyes and say, "Can we move on already?"
I find I'm not alone in this sentiment.

We as parents KNOW our adopted children have endured abuse or neglect that no child should have to experience, we KNOW that they have trust issues with adults and the world, we KNOW  that it's scarey to move from their comfort zone of emotional pain, even when the other side looks so much more inviting.

I want to point out to my daughter that yes, she did spend the first 20 months of her life in a not-so-good place, BUT she has also spent the last 7 years in a place of security and love.  So when do the good memories and feelings completely replace the bad?

I'm sure she would give me one of her looks that says she has no idea WHAT I'm talking about, then run off to play.

But from the Mom's point of view, all I can say is, "I'm tired." 

Tired of micromanaging your schedules so that we can avoid the triggers that set off the unacceptable behaviors.

Tired of lecturing you on the same issues.  for.  the.  hundreth.  time.

Tired of apologizing to your siblings for the eaten candy/gum/pop, broken toys, ripped books, missing items.

Tired of overseeing your actions with "damage control" when we are in a new situation/place or with new friends, because they don't understand your quirks or why a new situation results in you going into hyperdrive.

Tired of literally prying you off of our friends because you refuse to respect personal boundaries.

Tired of hearing how your first (bio) mom and dad were probably really nice and that you miss them, even though you can't recall anything about them.

Tired of teaching you the same material over and over again, because thanks to fetal alcohol exposure, you have difficulty with learning and short term memory.

Tired of struggling with feelings of some days just not wanting to be in the same room with you, even though I love you very much and want to share every day with you.

Tired of trying to explain to family why you do what you do, when I don't always understand it myself.

The link below is to another mother's blog who is  very talented at dealing with trauma and helping her adopted/traumatized children heal.  She is very honest about how difficult it can be on days to keep fighting the good fight, and I respect and appreciate her honesty SO much. 

Motherhood is the best job on the planet, and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but there are days when even the staunchest of moms need a break.  (Or a marguerita, and good book, and a chair on the beach! :-) 

No comments:

Post a Comment