Happy Adoptive Mothers Day

I read this and wanted to share it, because it speaks for so many of us that have traveled this journey of adoption~


Dear Mom of an Adopted Child,
I met you in adoption education class. I met you at the agency. I met you at my son’s school. I met you online. I met you on purpose. I met you by accident.
It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I knew you right away. I recognize the fierce determination. The grit. The fight. Because everything about what you have was a decision, and nothing about what you have was easy. You are the kind of woman who Makes.Things.Happen. After all, you made this happen, this family you have.
Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn’t in God’s plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Maybe you ignored them.
Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life-savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was.
Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it?
I know about all those books you read back then. The ones everyone reads about sleep patterns and cloth versus disposable, yes, but the extra ones, too. About dealing with attachment disorders, breast milk banks, babies born addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth. About cognitive delays, language deficiencies. About counseling support services, tax and insurance issues, open adoption pros and cons, legal rights.
I know about the fingerprinting, the background checks, the credit reports, the interviews, the references. I know about the classes, so many classes. I know the frustration of the never-ending paperwork. The hours of going over finances, of having garage sales and bake sales and whatever-it-takes sales to raise money to afford it all.
I know how you never lost sight of what you wanted.
I know about the match call, the soaring of everything inside you to cloud-height, even higher. And then the tucking of that away because, well, these things fall through, you know.
Maybe you told your mother, a few close friends. Maybe you shouted it to the world. Maybe you allowed yourself to decorate a baby’s room, buy a car seat. Maybe you bought a soft blanket, just that one blanket, and held it to your cheek every night.
I know about your home visits. I know about your knuckles, cracked and bleeding, from cleaning every square inch of your home the night before. I know about you burning the coffee cake and trying to fix your mascara before the social worker rang the doorbell.
And I know about the followup visits, when you hadn’t slept in three weeks because the baby had colic. I know how you wanted so badly to show that you had it all together, even though you were back to working more-than-full-time, maybe without maternity leave, without the family and casseroles and welcome-home balloons and plants.
And I’ve seen you in foreign countries, strange lands, staying in dirty hotels, taking weeks away from work, struggling to understand what’s being promised and what’s not. Struggling to offer your love to a little one who is unsettled and afraid. Waiting, wishing, greeting, loving, flying, nesting, coming home.
I’ve seen you down the street at the hospital when a baby was born, trying to figure out where you belong in the scene that’s emerging. I’ve seen your face as you hear a nurse whisper to the birthmother that she doesn’t have to go through with this. I’ve seen you trying so hard to give this birthmother all of your respect and patience and compassion in those moments—while you bite your lip and close your eyes, not knowing if she will change her mind, if this has all been a dream coming to an abrupt end in a sterile environment. Not knowing if this is your time. Not knowing so much.
I’ve seen you look down into a newborn infant’s eyes, wondering if he’s really yours, wondering if you can quiet your mind and good sense long enough to give yourself over completely.
And then, to have the child in your arms, at home, that first night. His little fingers curled around yours. His warm heart beating against yours.
I know that bliss. The perfect, guarded, hopeful bliss.
I also know about you on adoption day. The nerves that morning, the judge, the formality, the relief, the joy. The letting out of a breath maybe you didn’t even know you were holding for months. Months.
I’ve seen you meet your child’s birthparents and grandparents weeks or years down the road. I’ve seen you share your child with strangers who have his nose, his smile … people who love him because he’s one of them. I’ve seen you hold him in the evenings after those visits, when he’s shaken and confused and really just wants a stuffed animal and to rest his head on your shoulder.
I’ve seen you worry when your child brings home a family tree project from school. Or a request to bring in photos of him and his dad, so that the class can compare traits that are passed down, like blue eyes or square chins. I know you worry, because you can protect your child from a lot of things — but you can’t protect him from being different in a world so intent on celebrating sameness.
I’ve seen you at the doctor’s office, filling out medical histories, leaving blanks, question marks, hoping the little blanks don’t turn into big problems later on.
I’ve seen you answer all of the tough questions, the questions that have to do with why, and love, and how much, and where, and who, and how come, mama? How come?
I’ve seen you wonder how you’ll react the first time you hear the dreaded, “You’re not my real mom.” And I’ve seen you smile softly in the face of that question, remaining calm and loving, until you lock yourself in the bathroom and muffle your soft cries with the sound of the shower.
I’ve seen you cringe just a little when someone says your child is lucky to have you. Because you know with all your being it is the other way around.
But most of all, I want you to know that I’ve seen you look into your child’s eyes. And while you will never see a reflection of your own eyes there, you see something that’s just as powerful: A reflection of your complete and unstoppable love for this person who grew in the midst of your tears and laughter, and who, if torn from you, would be like losing yourself.

~~~ Through all the fostering, adoption paperwork, travel, attachment struggles, and worry, it's all been worth it, a thousand times over.  And I would do it all over again.

Love you, girls!

Surprise Haircut

For those of you who don't know...those cute little kindergarten scissors with the rounded ends that barely cut paper?  They cut hair surprisingly well.

And you would think that an old pro like me would've had all those darn scissors gathered from every nook and cranny of the house, stuck them in a large tin box  and buried in a deep hole in the back yard.  Because I like them that much.

And because I have had previous little ones (can you say CAMILLE?) give themselves" bold new haircuts" just because they could, you would think that I would be better at keeping those darn little things up out of the reach of busy hands.  But for some reason, one rebellious pair of scissors always seems to escape me, and there you have it....the Home Haircut.

This side seems to have gotten the most attention.

 

  In this instance, Quinn is the victim of a misguided and mischievious 4 year old boy, but the results are the same.  Thank goodness we have connections- an aunt that can work wonders with a scissors, so we headed to her shop for some damage control.

 

Poor Quinn looks so sad! 

Auntie Gayle can work wonders with her scissors :-)
Thank you for making Quinn pretty again.

Quinn even helped clean up!

 



What's a mom to do?

Thank goodness hair grows back.  Enough said. :-)

SB Clinic

Well.............spent another morning sitting in a tiny room at Sanford Children's Specialty Hospital trying to entertain a 3 year old while the SB specialists at the clinic parade through our room.  They spend a whole 10 minutes with her, then we wait and wait 30-40 minutes for the next specialist.  I told the coordinating doctor that there has to be a better system, but they seem to think they have done a great thing by putting all the doctors in one place to reduce the number of appointments, so I'm guessing it won't change soon.

The final consensus is that we should wait for Quinn to have surgery until she is around 5-6 years old, unless she begins to show symptoms of tethered cord.  I have mixed feelings about the directive to wait- as she gets older, she will be more susceptible to comments that kids make about her bump (mylomeningecoele) and I don't want her to become self conscious about it or have her feelings hurt.  However, I am in no way anxious to have her go through surgery, and the neurologist says that it's easier to operate around all of those nerves if they are larger, so I know it's in her best interest to wait. 

However, we couldn't be more thrilled on how well she is doing and on her progress so far!  The ultrasound of her kidneys showed that they are healthy and not showing any damage, and as we all know in this household- THIS GIRL IS POTTY TRAINED!!  This is amazing, since we originally thought she would never be continent and that I would have to catheterize her daily.  She has grown 6 inches and gained 20 lbs, now losing 5 lbs (thank GOD!) Her diet is solid and her lactose intolerance isn't causing her as much grief as I had first thought it would.  Her foot positioning and walking is right on the mark, and she will not need AFOs or any type of bracing as originally thought. 

Truthfully, could we ask for any more good news? 

Then the OT and Early Childhood gals came in to test Quinn on her developmental milestones, and she blew us all away!  She is testing high in the 36-60 month range and she is just 38 months old, and considering she spent 2 years in an orphanage and had to learn a new language this past year, that is amazing to me.

 The fun part was watching her work the blocks- she was given 10 square blocks and shown to make a tower with them.  She got up to 9 blocks and on the 10th, her tower tipped over. She only needed to stack 9 of them all to pass that test, so she passed, and then she did something that astonished the therapist- she began to build a double tower with the blocks so it wouldn't fall over, using one tower to brace the other tower.

Crazy, right?  Of course, I commented that Quinn was clever, but I guess I wasn't sufficiently impressed for the therapist.

 The therapist turns to me and says "Do you see that?  That's AMAZING  for a 3 year old to have problem solving skills like that." Then, Quinn asked for more blocks, and she proceeded to build a foundation around the base of the tower to further strengthen it!

Yep, my daughter is going to be an architect when she grows up :-)

Getting to know you~

Quinn has been home for a year now, and I can't believe how much she has changed and grown, and not just in size!  She has absolutely blossomed and we are seeing new facets to her personality every day and glimpses into the young lady she will become.

Here are a few things I have learned about her:
 

She is gentle and loving towards her parents, siblings and her baby dolls.

Rocking baby Qiao Qiao

That she is braver than I ever expected.

She insisted on doing a sparkler "by herself".  Made Mama very nervous!

She has a very musical side to her, and is really pushing me to be able to express this side.

She can already 'sing" her sister's violin pieces, and Quinn turns many toys into violins and bows,

 

She is smart as a whip.

As she was building houses, she was counting the blocks up to 10 with no mistakes.  Who taught her that?!

I expected a shy introverted child with institutional delays and possible attachment issues.  What a beautiful surprise this child has been!  She is a dynamo that loves fiercely and who establishes her place in this family by loving up to all of us with no excuses. 

 



Quinn- thank you for accepting us as your family and loving us with the fierceness that is you.   I thank God every day that he gave us the courage at our age to answer His call to adopt, and its a decision that I will always be so very proud of, as I am of you.

We love you so much!!

Quinn turns 3

I realize that it's boring to anyone other than the parents to view birthday pictures and hear about it ad nauseum, but since this is Quinn's first celebrated birthday with her family, it's a big deal, so here goes.

Yah- I think next year I'll celebrate WITHOUT the lip gloss, thankyouverymuch.

Thank you Grandma Lee for taking our picture

Playdough and shape block- academic tools, right?  I feel smarter already.

It says on the box 3 and up, right? 

Quinn...that's the washing machine- not a  place to put the babies.

 

Because she was just coming off of an allergic reaction to her sister's lip gloss AND we had just gotten home that weekend from Mpls and her Shriners appt, we kept the party low key and simple.

Pizza, cupcakes, a few gifts, and Grandma- perfect recipe for a calm and enjoyable birthday. 

 

Maybe next year we'll have 10 screaming 4 year olds attend, but for this year, we enjoyed just having her spend her birthday with us.  Yes, we are that kind of selfish. :-)

The Dangers of Lip Gloss

Thanks to a Secret Santa gift that Camille received at school, we had our first experience with cosmetic allergies.

Quinn got a hold of the lip gloss and decided to gloss over her whole face, all in the name of "Being Beautiful".  The next morning, she woke up to this:

This picture doesn't do her justice- it got much worse before it started getting better. 

Imagine the worst case of chicken pox you've ever seen.  That bad.  And it itched too, poor baby. 

She's been a trooper though, and does her best to not scratch at the scabs.  We are hoping for a quick recover and minimal scarring from the scabs. 

I've read of kids who have spina bifida often being allergic to latex, but I've never heard about cosmetic ingredients being a problem.  Live and learn!

The easy way or the hard way...

The other day I apologized to my hubby for always making life so hard...not taking the "easy road". 

Bless that man, he knew exactly what I meant.  And he just smiled.

When our friends are taking vacations...we're taking in foster kids.

When others are updating their homes or their vehicles, we continue to clunk along in our "vintage" cars (with the smashed in dash from a deer or two) and our worn out furniture, because we gave up our second income so that I could be home to raise our children. (And because we gave up trying to impress others a long time ago :-)

When we hit middle age and our peers were building their retirement funds, we were traveling to a little girl who was sitting in China, waiting for a family to call her own. (Bye bye, 401K...I will miss you)
 
When friends are eating out, we're staying home.

When others are shopping at Kohls and Macy's , I'm wandering through Once Upon a Child.

I know that our lives could be different and SO much easier.  Loren knows that too.  But when we evaluate our goals in life, they aren't the ones we had expected we would have at this age. 

We aren't planning on taking trips or playing golf when we retire.  Heck, at this rate, we won't be able to retire!  But we are working out God's plan for our life, and that doesn't include luxeries and wealth.  And apparently some week's it doesn't include free time either :-)    However, it does include incredible feelings of satisfaction, lots of joy, laughs, connection with the children in our lives, and the feeling that we're right where we are supposed to be. 

I don't remember exactly the quote, but it does something like this:  I would rather end my life used up and worn out, having given it my all, and have the Lord say "Well done, Good and Faithful servant" than to have lived a life of ease and selfishness.  ( you get the drift...)

That is why we do what we do, and why we make the choices that we make. 

It's not as if the sacrifices are extreme or miserable- we are very blessed! We are not hungry or cold or deprived of any real necessity. 

Do I care if I have new clothes?  No, not really. 

Can my pride handle driving an old car that isn't as nice as my neighbors?  Absolutely!!

Those items are not important to us anymore.  What's important is that we have been entrusted with these precious lives, to mold and guide, hug and play with, for as long as they are with us.  And we are humbled by the responsibility.

Family Pics

Friday night our older boys came home in response to their summons to gather for a family picture.  Our last such gathering happened over 6 years ago, so I thought it was a good idea to update the 11x13 hanging over the TV.

 Not only are our then-preschool daughters now pre-teens, but now we have a new member :-)

Before the "real" photographer showed up, I took a few pics just to check out the background I had selected.

 

 

 

I'm anxious to see how they turned out, and will post my favorites. I LOVE THESE FACES and can't wait to get them up on my wall!

  Thank you to my kids for their patience and willingness to do whatever our photographer asked them to do. It was cold and blustery that evening, so if we look chilled, it's because we were!

Homeschooling with little ones

The little ones don't like to be left out when we are homeschooling, so I schedule about 45 min a day for "Preschool".  I figure that both our Littles could use help in catching up developmentally, and I can't let my "whole 2 years" of preschool teaching experience go to waste, so we're giving it a try.

We are incorporating lots of basics, like colors and shapes, and working on vocabulary, since Quinn is now trying out her new language with a little more confidence.  My favorite part is doing songs with actions, and both the kids have been quick to pick up on The Wheels of the Bus, and the Itsy Bitsy Spider as their favorites. 

Oh, and also the hand play "This is the church..."  That one cracks me up when Quinn is insisting that I say it along with her, as she is pointing her "steeple" at me. Then she does the "where are the people?" part, hiding her fingers.... could she get any cuter??

Today we threw in a little Sensory Art using one of my favorite mediums- Shaving Cream.

Whats not to like?  Easy clean up, doesn't stain their clothes, and the kids smell good when they are done- haha! 

Bri and I find that they are so much better about giving us our school time when we have given them some of their own, so for now, that's our strategy for getting it all done.  And hopefully, we are all learning something :-)

Playing Catch-up

Lots of catching up to do since my computer malfunctioning episode the beginning of August.  Since I'm not big on rehashing, I will make it short and sweet!  Here's a quick summaryof what we've been up to the past 5 weeks~

County Fair:
Because of our move to the new farm, we knew we wouldn't have alot of projects ready for the fair.  I mean, let's be truthful- we are just happy to get the basics of meals, laundry, chores, and schooling done most days.  We don't get too full of ourselves and think we can also get a Jersey heifer broke to lead, matching skirts sewn by the girls, and breathtaking photo collages- we just don't have it in us most days. 
 
This year our motto was : Keep it Simple.

We showed a few chickens...

Bri, Moyra,
Camille, and Lani

 

 

Showed a rabbit or two...

 



Bri received 2nd place in Rabbit Showmanship- tough competition too!

 

And had fun with all of our 4H friends...

The County Fair is usually the closest thing to a vacation that we get, so we splurge on eating Indian Tacos and sweet corn, get the fair bracelets and ride until we are dizzy, and put off housework for 4 glorious days!  It's the last big fling before school starts, and it's our official End of Summer event.

  And yes, we eat homemade pie at the 4H food stand too :-)

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The fair was followed by G's surgery for a hernia repair- not something that he was real keen on doing, but he was a brave little guy and was happy to now have a new belly button as a result!

Clifford made the whole experience so much better!

Just waking up from the anesthesia and a little scared.



MUCH happier now- I think the pain meds were finally kicking in :-)



His follow up went without a hitch, and he's now sporting a nice, new "innie" belly button! 

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 WHAT??!  SCHOOL ALREADY?!!

Luke, Quinn, Camille, J, and Bri

 

 

 

Here was our  "motley" crew on the  morning of the first day of school.  Can you tell which kids are happy to be going to school and which ones are NOT? (G slept in that morning, so he's not even in the picture.)

 

 

We are experimenting with sending Camille to public school this year-it was not an easy decision.  However, after alot of discussion of pros and cons, it came down to 2 main reasons for me wanting her to attend school. 

 

Number 1- I have given her 6 years of high maintenance attention, school and otherwise, and I really feel that Quinn now deserves time with me as well.  Quinn will need help with expressive language and I want to be starting her on preschool subjects to help her vocabulary improve.  The other kids sometimes 'gentley' remind me of how much time and attention Camille has demanded and needed the past 6 years, and how often they have had  to do without.  If I don't have Camille prepared for the social arena of public school by now, then I probably never will.

 

Number 2- Mama needs a break. (Did I say that out loud??)  Most nights, Camille and I were still sitting at the table at 5:30 still doing school, when I should've been preparing supper and seeing to the hundred other things that demand my attention.  Every book I've read on RAD warns parents NOT to teach their RAD child because it presents another opportunity to battle for control.  All I know is that it was very hard on our mother-daughter relationship, and for that reason, I am hopeful that this solution will benefit all of us. We are now 3 weeks into the school year, and I am already seeing a positive change in Camille.  It's amazing when the other 20 4th graders all get their worksheet done in 30 minutes that SHE can too!  Who woulda guessed?

 

 

So let the games begin!

 

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On the farm front, we had the inconvenience of having our yard dug up again to have all of the waterlines replaced-more fun than you can imagine.....really!

 We also sold 4 of our horses that were not exactly "fun" to ride, and used that money to purchase 3 really rideable horses.  What a difference! The girls are really enjoying all their horse time, and we have begun taking them to lessons twice a month at our local rodeo grounds.  They have about a 4 hour class, and they have already done so much better with these horses than they did with their old ones.

So now we have a house full of cowgirls, and I couldn't be more thrilled!

Our plan is to get the girls so hooked into riding and loving their horses that they won't be interested in boys for YEARS!  That's the plan anyway :-)

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LIFELIGHT
We are so lucky here in South Dakota to have a Lifelight concert every Labor Day weekend.  3 days full of our favorite Christian singers and groups, and it's all FREE!  Can you imagine, thousands of Christians sitting around in our lawn chairs, kids playing frisbee, rocking out and worshipping together- it takes me to a whole 'nother level of Godliness and goodness and spirituality that brings tears to my eyes. 
The presenters are usually band members that share their Faith stories, and we leave feeling spiritually fed and inspired.  The music is INCREDIBLE and the groups are the ones we listen to on the radio, so we KNOW THE WORDS!

(Nothing worse than a Scandanavian with no pitch, singing songs that she doesn't know- at least I can rock the words if nothing else!)

This year we were lucky enough to hear Santus Real, and 10th Avenue North- 2 of my very favorite groups, so I was thrilled.  And their faith messages were almost better than their music! I gotta think that hearing testimonials like that will influence my kids for the better, and the benefits of the music is a no-brainer.  The coordinators of Lifelight are influencing so. many. people!  I hope their vision continues so that thousands each year can have access to such a wonderful ministry, whether they are expose to Christian music for the first time, or they are fans like my family. 

That is why we donate to it each year, so that this mission can continue.  I cannot say enough good things about it, so if you are ever able to attend a Lifelight concern, run, don't walk!!  You will thank me.

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Well, those are the highlights from the past 5 weeks.  Let's stay in touch :-)

Dell......you disappoint.

3 months. That's how long the hard drive on my laptop lasted this time.

I don't use my laptop for gaming, or holding huge amount of pictures or data; I don't tie into a huge network or download "stuff" that will corrupt my computer. So why did my harddrive crash only after 3 months of normal use? Inquiring minds want to know.

Where is Ralph Nadar when you need him?

This could start a whole dialogue about how poorly items are made these days... how we are enslaved by a marketplace that produces inferior products so that they are assured of future customers sooner rather than later...how our throw-away society seems to expect and accept the short lifespan of many of our purchases, because it gives us an opportunity to go shopping again and maybe pick out a different color this time...yada yada yada.

Or so the rant goes.

Anywho...now that I have her back, and most of the programs reloaded, I hope to be back in touch with the online world. Because we have alot of decisions coming up the next few months that will affect our family, and we are praying for divine guidance to follow His will.

We are also facing some tough economic times during the months ahead, and we want to be able to put our heads together to try and live more simply and more frugally.

So here's to a fresh start, electronically and otherwise.

And just for fun, here is some cuteness.

We love us some cantalope!
 

Passages...

I know I'm terribly behind, considering all that has happened here the past few weeks. We have welcomed new family members, and we have had to say goodbye to some as well. 

We have gone from a family of 6 to one of 8.  I didn't think adding 2 kids to our household would take up so much of my time and energy, but I think it's because we have gone from a somewhat normal routine to "Slumber Party Chaos" and it's leaving me and my house looking a bit frazzled.

We are very happy to welcome GW and his sister, J, to our family, and they fit in with this group really well.  However, transitions are never flawless, and trying to learn family rules and routines is hard enough, but to move to another house, get used to new people, and also deal with the grief of having your family and home dissolved can't be anything less than heartbreaking.  So for now, we will do our best to make them feel welcome and loved, and worry about the mess and rule breaking later on.

Camille, J, GW, and Quinn
(and yes, that is my Diet Coke)

We had to say goodbye to my Dad this month- after 2 years of battling cancer, along with various other health issues, he is finally at peace.  He got his wish of not having to live in a nursing home, and only spent a few days in hospice at the end.  Stubborn man! 

His funeral was a lovely gathering of family and old friends, sharing stories and memories, sometimes laughing, sometimes crying.

 Best Friends from Anoka- the Westrums and Molendas

Rod Garrison telling golf stories

As usual- my attempts at a family photo never pan out- Tanner is missing!

Then as we were working through our feelings of loss over Grandpa Rod, we lost another special member of our family....Emma.

 

 

You were always a bundle of furry sweetness, and you loved Bri with all your heart.  We will miss your exuberance for life, your ability to do the splits on the kitchen floor, and your fun filled spirit.  You will always be in our hearts.

  

Dane for a Day

Our little town of Viborg celebrates Danish Days every July (yes, during the hottest weekend of the summer) and this year was no exception.  We all got our Dane on!

GW and Quinn were our Candy Catchers for the parade.

Camille walked with our 4H club and handed our freezies that were much appreciated by the crowd. The temps rose over 100 deg before the end of the day.

Loren and Bri rode Mesa and Dyamond in the parade as well, with Lani and her family. This was a dream of Bri's ever since she was probably 4 or 5- to ride her horse in the parade.  So happy for her that she finally realized that dream!

Luke was also in the parade, but was moving the horse trailer for Loren and didn't get back to the Scouts in time to walk with his troop.  He showed up later in the parade in one of the covered wagons, but I wasn't expecting him to be there, so I didn't get a picture snapped. :-(

We also attended the Classic Car show in the park Friday night and got to catch up with many friends while everyone tried to stay cool in the shade. 

For all of you who have hometown celebrations, here's to honoring heritage, small towns, and summertime!!