2 years ago, I was struggling with the realization that our hopeful plans for adopting two of our foster children were not going to become reality.
Suddenly, the mother that was scheduled to be deported back to Ethiopia because of her criminal history and who had previously been labeled as "unfit" to parent by DSS was going to get her two children back. The two children that I had raised, fed, taught, played with, comforted, parented and loved over the past year.
I wanted to lay on the floor and kick like a toddler, screaming "It's not Faaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
Not very noble, I know.
Because all of us foster parents "are saints" and this is "such a noble calling." (eyes rolling)
So with my emotions rolling and my hope for providing a home to children who need one at an all-time low, I turned to prayer. (although I did start out with a bit of an attitude!)
'Lord, several years ago, you placed the burden of the orphan on my heart. I read about all the little girls in China being abandoned, left at roadsides and in trash bins, and it broke my heart. I wanted to hop on a plane and rescue those little ones who had no value there. But YOU know they have value. I had a dream of wanting to save at least one of those little souls and show them how very important they are."
And you said "Follow Me."
So we began the grueling personal invasion of our life that is the adoption process, doing endless paperwork and jumping through hoops to show that we are worthy. And there were days when we thought we would never be done with the red tape.
And You gave us the strength and tenacity to continue.
And then the wait for approvals and verifications took longer than expected, and all we could think of was a little one, sitting alone in an orphanage, and the image broke our heart.
You you whispered "Have faith."
And when we used up the funds in our savings account, and cashed in IRAs, and there was a part of us that wanted to cling to that which offered financial security, and you reminded us that money in itself is a false sense of security.
And you promised that you will always provide for us.
And when we got the referral of a little girl with spina bifida, and a medical file that offered us more questions than answers, and the consulting doctor said it was risky, and yet, we knew that we needed to have faith that this was Our Daughter, so we said "Yes"
And you said "Trust Me."
And we did. And the reward was more than we had ever imagined.
So last weekend, when Quinn was baptized and dedicated to God, everything came full circle.
And it felt as if we were saying "Thank You."
And I'm pretty sure I heard God say "You're welcome". :-)
Isaiah 41:13 "For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you ,"Fear not, for I will help you."